More found notes from my document archives!
Raised by narcissism
Often conflict caused by what they present to the world versus real feelings inside (not enough attention from the whole world, I gotta skew the game).
In a healthy relationship no one cares about who has “power” or who is dependent on the other. There is independence from one another, with healthy dependence.
Red flags for those raised by narcs:
Adult who inherently feels like they’re not good enough, beats self up, questions own value, has relationships that are dramatic and they are treated badly. Were they unconditionally loved? Nope, or else they wouldn’t get into this relationship later on. No self-confidence, no self-worth. Overachiever syndrome. If I achieve all this, I’ll finally be good enough.
Could “also” be trauma. They are one and the same, if you ask me.
Does narc parent lead to narc child? Yep. Good chance. Closest relationship you’ll ever have, the degree of dependence is critical. You figure out the template for later relationships and ways of acting by watching them. Dismissing, unloving attitudes will be transferred on.
Seek out narcissists AND become them, themdamnselves. “They were the best little students in the world.” Bahahahaha said this verbatim before.
Get educated and you have a chance to break the pattern.
Not the child’s fault. It’s all conditional. They know from the beginning not to get comfortable, because they won’t be loved. But IF they meet all these stipulations, maybe…. But not really.
Fake self – image is everything to the narcissist. Child is a narcissistic extension for the parent. Whatever kid does actually reflects on the value of the narcissist. They will be criticized, shut out, dismissed, disowned if they aren’t “make mom proud.” Which is fine, if they realize that this is fucked up. Getting outside perspective is HUGE. Need confirmation from others in order to know what’s right or wrong. After not being allowed to be angry/resentful/full of mistakes… they don’t know.
Should you address narcissism with parents after seeking treatment? Narcissism means there will be no self-awareness or accountability. YOU need to do what I say, YOU need to be better. YOU can call me out, but I will never take ownership of it. I cannot allow that. Psychologically, the narc is trying to protect their defenses – they CAN’T see anything wrong with them. If they acknowledge one thing, the floodgates will open.
Narcs are not evil, they are victims. Someone taught them that close interpersonal relationships run on power. Doesn’t mean they’re a bad person.
Does this relationship make you feel good?
Is this what relationships are really for? Shouldn’t it be comforting, not stressing?
When you think about the relationship, using your kiddo expectations, what’s the main feeling you hoped that person would make you feel? Safe? Secure?
Most destructive narc profile. IN POWER.
High intelligence. Gives them productivity and adaptability.
Highly educated. More opportunity to gain power. And academics like narcs.
Wealth. Undo mistakes with money to gain power.
Purely grandiose traits, rather than vulnerability. They don’t care about others, have more energy. Appears “functional” so they are never treated.
Use empathy to some degree. Have cognitive empathy, but not affective. Can understand how others feel but don’t express own emotions. Can be likeable enough to gain social traction. Do it to LEARN SOMETHING THAT WILL BE HELPFUL TO THEM, not to make the other person feel good or because they care. Need to get people on their side, for some this is good enough.
Able to control reactions when people assert themselves. They are sensitive to people asserting themselves. If they can control it, especially when the person is higher in status, it will help them gain power. They treat bosses well, subordinates terribly. Shows respect for people above them in power structure because high status people are “on their team.” Welcome high status “into the club.”
Power enhanced narcissism. Traits don’t come through too strongly, they don’t ring any alarm bells… and then they’re put into power. This newfound power feeds ego and protects it in a new way, enhances narcissism. They take everything to the extreme once they have this, abuse authority, exercise authority to the maximum all of the time. Narcissist applies all power, doesn’t just possess it.
Vindictiveness. Allows narcissist to keep power. Keep power, keep doing damage, keep gaining more power. Create environment where people aren’t comfortable to complain. So, nothing can change. Attack people who attack them. Retaliate against people who voice their opinions. Silences them.