You know when you go looking through old documents and find random notes? Here they are.
When the narcissist snaps (rage)
Suddenly manifests aggression that is different from their normal behavior. Not in response to an act of aggression in this case. Not defending themselves. Force exerted was comparable to force that was received. In this case, the reaction is not justified by the event.Narcs are susceptible to stress and anxiety. Also, because they cause their own stress. They make the stress thanks to their personality, that combines WITH the personality, and boom. Explosion.
Antagonistic, self-centered, requiring admiration, entitled. Runs on a continuum. Can even be disability.
Grandiose – extroverted, aggressive, dominant, arrogant, resistant to criticism.
Vulnerable – shame, resent, mistrust, hypersensitive to criticism.
Can fluctuate from one to the other. Common.
Rage is reactive and instrumental. Reactive – anger is sudden, irrational, disproportionate, physical gestures, aggression. Instrumental – recurrent anger outbursts that can last a long time.
Narcissism is the creation of a false sense to protect the real, insecure self. Valuable person by any measure. Fragile sense of self recognizes that they aren’t special. This can’t be confronted, so the false self must stay in place. When criticism happens, the protection is challenged. Rage allows the narcissist to keep that false sense of self in place and maintain self-deception. They only need to deceive themselves, and believe their own lies.
Criticism causes the explosion. Challenges authority or sense of self.
Rage results in hatred. It’s remembered forever. Holds a grudge. Presume criticism was personal. Demand retraction, revenge, want the critic to pay.
Happens even when the criticism was fair. Even when worded politely or made in jest, or in groups.
Occurs even when narc has a good argument to make. Bypasses any good argument and goes into rage and attack mode. Misses valid counterpoint in the rush to defend self. After going into a rage, there’s no room for the valid points.
Narcissist misses valuable feedback because of upset. Blocks learning. Leaves the narc more confident when they’re rageful, stops any insight or absorption.
Rage causes more criticism. When violence takes place, it’s usually because there’s a back and forth. Rage, criticism, back and forth.
When it occurs, narc tries to gain allies. Get people to agree with them that others are the problem. Put up protective barrier on fragile sense of self. Using people, sometimes because they are so intimidated by the narc, turning them into agents of the narc. Manipulate those people to do their bidding, criticizing the original critic.
Insulted narc is always on the offense, not the defense. Narcissist attacks, not defends. Sidesteps original criticism and attacks character of the critic to distract from original feedback. “genius” component of narcissism, but it’s just a survival function.
Rage happens in or contributes to a vulnerable state. Grandiose is resistant. Vulnerable is vulnerable. Rage comes from an insecure place. Must be moving in that direction to have the rage. Grandiose can have rage, but it’s a manifestation of the vulnerable narc. When it’s all over, they’ll move back to grandiose state.
“Perfect” grandiose narcissist would have no rage. All criticism would be deflected. Everything is on a continuum, from vulnerable to grandiose.