I recently wrote a post about all of the things that I realized about my trauma Journey throughout the making of Traumatized Motherfuckers. Namely, the fact that the obvious traumas I had experienced early in life and then repeated with new relationships in my twenties were not actually the most impactful events and relationships that I've had.
It's easy to focus on the big, hulking, screaming aggression in your life. It's easy to reason that this is not acceptable or healthy behavior. It's a lot harder to come to terms with the fact that your “good parent” imparted insidious abuse lessons that have marred your existence, all along, unnoticed.
In fact, as I reported in that recent post, I would say now that my covertly abusive mother has had a larger negative effect on my mental health than my openly violent father did.
But another thing that I've been struggling with throughout the making of this trauma research project has been trying to...
https://www.upworthy.com/dishonest-harmony-boomer-parent
Stumbled upon an article this morning that provided two excellent phrases for the CPTSD recoverer:1. Dishonest Harmony (What our families want), and2. Honest Conflict (What CPTSD rehab inspires and requires)
If you're also labelled "the shit stirrer," "the difficult one," or "the problem," for bringing up events from the past, attempting to work through conflict rather than ignoring it, or generally having any interest in why you've become the person you are... These terms might also be helpful shortcuts to use for your brain.
Ohhh the hours, days, and weeks I've lost, trying to figure out why my family takes my mental health work as a personal affront. Trying to talk about anything is an insta-ticket to reactivity, shaming, weaponized tribalism, and general personal attacks. My brain hasn't been able to move forward, getting stuck on "WHY."
Of course, protecting their trauma-patterned lives is part of it. They don't want to change, and fuck you for suggesting that a better way of living...
