Category: Narc R&R

https://www.patreon.com/posts/narcissists-96929442 It was 2016, I was 26 years old. I had just gone through a major life-shittery period that stretched from 23 to the present year (and would get much worse from there). In this period, I had a mental illness explosion sparked by a non-stop schedule of achievement and desperate hustling to stay financially afloat, exacerbated by seeing a horrible free therapist who told me I had PTSD, and a boy who loved and left me… and that was it. Then, I met a boy who turned my world upside down before rejecting me without a word. All the while, trying to figure out which grad school I would be attending while working every day in cellular research and finishing up my Chemistry minor. The next thing I knew, my body failed me – the product of immune system overload – and I was a physically sickly, mentally fucked mess. Suddenly, my head was filled with terrible memories and unwarranted panic about...

A combo of my notes and research from the web, ala figuring shit out a few years ago. Patterns: Generally, some demonstration that I’m not a bad person - I’m not doing anything or I’m being directly helpful/cooperative. Leads to her attempt to be friendly out of the blue? When it doesn’t work, she doesn’t get what she wants, she explodes. The first tactic is an attempt at catching you off guard. Then something spit viciously, to cause fear? This will make you more likely to be controllable. When that doesn’t work, it continues to escalate as she runs through her list of usual tactics. Threats are ALWAYS incorporated to elicit fear of the future and compliance in the present to “prevent it.”  Compassionate:  When normal human things happen and she needs a hand. (being physically incapable) When she asks for anything respectfully, and acknowledges that no one “has” to do anything. When she communicates directly. Without: threats, shame, accusations, nitpicking.  Not compassionate: When she’s blaming...

Bittles from my internet research, found in my personal docs. Vulnerable narcissists traits Introverted and high in neuroticism Not forgiving Constant negativity, broadly No compromise/healing Feeling hated at all times Non-productive arguments, nothing can be said to help, arguing to cause pain, ability to argue until the other person is just worn down – but eventually they end the argument quickly when they’re tired of it Anger/hatred constantly bubbling below the surface. Victim KNOWS how to start fight, but doesn’t. Accusations without evidence on a regular basis (BPD and Paranoid personality disorder) Sexual narcissism (prove that you love them enough/won’t leave (BPD)) Poor listening skills disguised as good listening skills (attend to conversation well enough to “pass” while being off in another world) Disgust for friends (jealous of time spent with others, guilt trip, high attachment anxiety and possession) Repeated grand efforts to change (struggle at some level to change that fails long term – better insight, to some extent, but incapability to make meaningful change) Signs of Covert Narcissism https://www.healthline.com/health/covert-narcissist The term “narcissist”...

More note-taking bits, found during exploration of my records from 2021. Narcissistic mothers Self-centered Entitlement Admiration Shame, hypersensitive, resentful = covert Can a narc mother cause a narc daughter? Getting too little gratification can lead to creating it for yourself. Boom. 4 styles of parenting Authoritarian, obedience without question, punishment. Authoritative, uses reasoning and explanation to influence so standards are clear, assertive but not overly, give child rights. Permissive… what it sounds like. Indifferent, child figures shit out by themselves with independence/no support. Authoritarian style used by mother leads to vulnerable narcissism in the child. Middle two decrease chances. Indifferent style is unrelated. Mother parental style doesn’t cause grandiose narc, but vulnerable. Authoritarian and indifferent narc by father leads to grandiose narcissism, but not vulnerable. Signs of M-D narc: Diverting conversation to themselves (can’t talk about daughter’s problems. LOL sometimes that redirection is to complain about problem FROM the DAUGHTER, get criticism not advice) Competing with the daughter (competing for attention, hitting on BF, no way daughter will ever accomplish...

Blurbs from past research, dug out from 2021's google docs. Enjoy Narcissist statements Need to give compliment, “not bad, but I bet that’s the only thing they can do well.” Minimizes their talent to get more admiration for themselves. “They’re okay, I guess, I’ve heard better.” Not fair that they’re better than me at anything. Can’t be NOT THE BEST at anything. “I could do that if I wasted the same amount of time.” Trying to communicate something positive to them. Focus on delivering an insult somehow. “I can’t believe you didn’t recognize that person…” Finding people’s weaknesses is my strength is the thought – but they’re good at INSULTING other people, not actually identifying valid things about them w/o understanding of humans. Narc criticizes someone “I’m only telling you the truth for your own good.” Assumes they’re right and they care about you. They’re actually lying for their own good. “Even though you’re terrible in so many ways, maybe someday you’ll be able...

These are more bulletpointed notes from my early days researching narcdom in the family home. May they hit some nerves and neurons for you. Narcs who play the victim Looks for people to have compassion and sympathy when it’s not warranted by the circumstances. Deceived. Fabricate stories. Make sure that everyone knows about it. Occurs on a continuum – do it sometimes or do it OVER THE TOP. They can’t win in reality, so they make things up to skew the game. Lack of empathy, very callous, but expect it from others. Most are impulsive, don’t plan out their victim card. Generally want people to see how great/beautiful they are… but want people to feel sorry for them. It’s a baffling mix of narc understanding. Beliefs and thoughts behind vulnerable narc behaviors Vulnerable narcs tend to be deceptive, and their insights are limited. But they know their feelings are “off.” Their thoughts are not grounded in reality, just like their behaviors. Distortion occurs...

More found notes from my document archives! Raised by narcissism Often conflict caused by what they present to the world versus real feelings inside (not enough attention from the whole world, I gotta skew the game). In a healthy relationship no one cares about who has “power” or who is dependent on the other. There is independence from one another, with healthy dependence. Red flags for those raised by narcs: Adult who inherently feels like they’re not good enough, beats self up, questions own value, has relationships that are dramatic and they are treated badly. Were they unconditionally loved? Nope, or else they wouldn’t get into this relationship later on. No self-confidence, no self-worth. Overachiever syndrome. If I achieve all this, I’ll finally be good enough. Could “also” be trauma. They are one and the same, if you ask me. Does narc parent lead to narc child? Yep. Good chance. Closest relationship you’ll ever have, the degree of dependence is critical. You figure out the template...

You know when you go looking through old documents and find random notes? Here they are. When the narcissist snaps (rage) Suddenly manifests aggression that is different from their normal behavior. Not in response to an act of aggression in this case. Not defending themselves. Force exerted was comparable to force that was received. In this case, the reaction is not justified by the event.Narcs are susceptible to stress and anxiety. Also, because they cause their own stress. They make the stress thanks to their personality, that combines WITH the personality, and boom. Explosion. Antagonistic, self-centered, requiring admiration, entitled. Runs on a continuum. Can even be disability. Grandiose – extroverted, aggressive, dominant, arrogant, resistant to criticism. Vulnerable – shame, resent, mistrust, hypersensitive to criticism. Can fluctuate from one to the other. Common. Rage is reactive and instrumental. Reactive – anger is sudden, irrational, disproportionate, physical gestures, aggression. Instrumental – recurrent anger outbursts that can last a long time. Narcissism is the creation of a false sense to...