Why your family says you’re the problem: Dishonest Harmony vs. Honest Conflict

Why your family says you’re the problem: Dishonest Harmony vs. Honest Conflict

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.upworthy.com/dishonest-harmony-boomer-parent Stumbled upon an article this morning that provided two excellent phrases for the CPTSD recoverer:1. Dishonest Harmony (What our families want), and2. Honest Conflict (What CPTSD rehab inspires and requires) If you're also labelled "the shit stirrer," "the difficult one," or "the problem," for bringing up events from the past, attempting to work through conflict rather than ignoring it, or generally having any interest in why you've become the person you are... These terms might also be helpful shortcuts to use for your brain. Ohhh the hours, days, and weeks I've lost, trying to figure out why my family takes my mental health work as a personal affront. Trying to talk about anything is an insta-ticket to reactivity, shaming, weaponized tribalism, and general personal attacks. My brain hasn't been able to move forward, getting stuck on "WHY." Of course, protecting their trauma-patterned lives is part of it. They don't want to change, and fuck you for suggesting that a better way of living...
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Adaptive Narcissism and PTSD Resiliency pt I

Adaptive Narcissism and PTSD Resiliency pt I

by MFJESS Comment Closed
Episode link Today, I bring you a paper that we can all thank our fellow Motherfucker for. Alex, thank you for sending this my way. I don’t even want to give a big introduction. I just want to jump into a paper that has - I shit you not - helped me understand things and make immediate changes so rapidly that I feel like a different person since reading it a few weeks ago. Without any strain or repression necessary. Actually, the exact opposite. You’ll understand as we go. But, yeah, we’re returning to Narcissism… as a POSITIVE aspect of recovery. Which has made a day and night difference in everything, because it’s made a day and night difference in how I’m thinking about, feeling about, and policing myself. Now let’s get in there. The paper: Narcissistic Personality and Its Relationship with Post-Traumatic Symptoms and Emotional Factors: Results of a Mediational Analysis Aimed at Personalizing Mental Health Treatment.Montoro, C.I.; de la Coba, P.; Moreno-Padilla, M.; Galvez-Sánchez,...
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VulNarcs and Past Negative Time Orientation; Using Time, Space, Energy for Growth or Narcissism

VulNarcs and Past Negative Time Orientation; Using Time, Space, Energy for Growth or Narcissism

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/vulnarcs-and-for-96317452 One of the ideas that has stuck with a lot of Fuckers, it seems, is the concept of the resources we need to rectify our brains. Episodes put out at the middle-end of 2022. The necessity of time, space, and energy to recover from trauma or engage in self-growth.  Well, after my year of tripping through PTSD and studying myself like a lab rat, it turns out, none of these three factors is quite as straight forward as they seem. You can have alllll the time in the world. But that time means nothing if you’re stuck in a DIFFERENT time period, unable to bring yourself to the current moment because your shitty memories have you trapped.  Similarly, time isn’t impactful if you have no energy with which to work on your problems. 24 hours in a day, but you can only function for 4 of them? Uhhh… that might move your brain backwards, as it smashes you over the head with perceived...
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Another VulNarc Hypothesis: asking for help and manipulation

Another VulNarc Hypothesis: asking for help and manipulation

by MFJESS Comment Closed
Had another thought about the connection between VulNarcdom and the traumatized phases it seems to be encapsulated in. Then, had the thought, “but I don’t have a way to record right now… so this is worthless…” ... But, says who? Who can guarantee that no one will sit down and read a quick blurb rather than having it spoon fed into their eardrums? Not I. So here we go! .... Hypothesis: VulNarcs are manipulative because during their PTSD throes they finally stumble into a scheme that allows them to receive help, and they never proceed from that phase. ... Rationale: We all go through a stage in trauma recovery where it’s necessary to admit what you can’t handle alone, and reach out for social support. This is a critical part of exiting the terror of PTSD and re-establishing connections with the physical world. But. This also means… By being in a weakened state, legitimately unable to help themselves, future VulNarcs receive assistance, perhaps for the first times in their lives…. And perhaps, without...
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Abuser Escalation Tactics (Narc only? Or across the board?)

Abuser Escalation Tactics (Narc only? Or across the board?)

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/abuser-tactics-50728253 So, there's nothing like getting out nice and early for a long job/hike to shake connections out of your head. Finally getting up and out by 7am again, and feeling great.  This morning, my brain was consumed by: vividly dreaming of a lost love 8 years ago, remembering leaving my abuser on THIS DAY 2 years ago, and having some early thoughts about a new post on typical abuse patterns. Happy Saturday!  Here's what I'm chewing on.  So abusers are unpredictable, chaotic, and impossible to manage, right? Well, right. But... I think I've been seeing a few trends looking at current and past experiences. And they're actually pretty easy to understand from the Narcspective.  It's first a wild, emotional, unreasonable, overly personal attack. Why would YOU make ME feel this way?  Then an offer for mutual emotional relief in exchange for the narc regaining control. Can't we all acknowledge that you REALLY fucked up, but I'll let it go, if......? Followed by a period of confusion...
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** Parent Narcissists and CPTSD

** Parent Narcissists and CPTSD

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/parent-and-cptsd-96932180 Last time we learned about a new type of Narc; the "Covert" variety... who sound an awful lot like our mothers, collectively. So what happens if you WERE raised by a Narcissist mom, in particular? What are the common characteristics of the relationship? What are the common childhood templates under Narcissistic Abuse? What happens to kids - specifically daughters - in the long run? And how do you deal with someone who doesn't want to treat you differently?...
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Fuck Off Boomers; The Covert Narc Echo Chamber

Fuck Off Boomers; The Covert Narc Echo Chamber

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/fuck-off-boomers-96934186 Hi Fuckers! Happy Monday! I’m clocking in nice and early this week because we have some big work to do. And as much as I’m a natural self-doubter, I’m really determined about it. Woah - who’s talking here? Doesn’t sound like your toothless cousin Jess and her ten screaming dissociative personality babies from different fathers reporting in from the trauma park today. Yeah, sometimes I also forget that isn’t actually my identity. Part of that whole “goings on with daily duties personality” taking over the wheel as the realistic, functional, presentation of self. But I digress to dissociative personalities again. Like I said in the coping with covert abuse episode, playing back that mental highlight reel of my life is pretty helpful for keeping myself in the integrated, adult self. Oh, I’ve been a student, a scientist, a logistics manager, a fucked up family member to international trauma friends, and a CPTSD podcaster… no mention of meth addiction, destitution, or institution no matter...
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Defining Covert (vulnerable) Narcissists

Defining Covert (vulnerable) Narcissists

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/defining-covert-96931589 Have you been convinced that everything about you was "wrong?" Does someone in your life make you feel "off," in a way that's anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person "helping" actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then... do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit? Ah, yeah. So my recent realization comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you? Today, we're talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath....
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Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

by MFJESS Comment Closed
https://www.patreon.com/posts/narcissistic-of-96930939 Who has bad taste in romantic partners? I do! No matter how many times I think I’m choosing wisely… uh… I’m not. Plain and simple, I don’t know how to choose a good human for my significant other. Am I a chronic dater? Just taking whatever comes my way? Nope, actually I love my alone time and I don’t seek out romantic partners, well, ever really. Too energetically and emotionally expensive. Complicated. Stressful. Painful. Dangerous. No, I’m not one of those girls who always needs to be with someone to feel whole, myself. I’ve spent many years single, and dare I say, occasionally even thriving? But don’t worry… somehow, every time I do manage to make a connection with someone, you’d better believe that it’s going to be a terrible choice. As someone who prefers to have limited human contact because I genuinely can’t stand them, I have no idea what my fucking problem is. I really love losers in sheep’s clothing. Anyways, things are… complex...
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