Had another thought about the connection between VulNarcdom and the traumatized phases it seems to be encapsulated in.
Then, had the thought, “but I don’t have a way to record right now… so this is worthless…”
…
But, says who? Who can guarantee that no one will sit down and read a quick blurb rather than having it spoon fed into their eardrums?
Not I.
So here we go!
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Hypothesis:
VulNarcs are manipulative because during their PTSD throes they finally stumble into a scheme that allows them to receive help, and they never proceed from that phase.
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Rationale:
We all go through a stage in trauma recovery where it’s necessary to admit what you can’t handle alone, and reach out for social support. This is a critical part of exiting the terror of PTSD and re-establishing connections with the physical world.
But. This also means…
By being in a weakened state, legitimately unable to help themselves, future VulNarcs receive assistance, perhaps for the first times in their lives…. And perhaps, without having to directly ASK.
This human assistance would ideally be considered a bit of a “corrective experience.” Although, for some, it can become an “overcorrection.”
Help can become an expectation, rather than a blessing.
Additionally, it teaches the VulNarc that demonstrations of destitution are, perhaps, less likely to bring punishment than making straight-forward requests.
This sudden access to human kindness and care teaches them that the route to being helped is to be helpless enough for someone to step in, preferably by their own volition, without needing to be directly asked.
(Remember our discussion on the self-sabotaging behaviors of the SUB-C, late 2023?)
Over time, this becomes the prevailing strategy for social interactions.
Humans are unsafe in the VulNarc’s perceived fragile state. BUT if they proclaim / present their fragile state to the right humans, those humans will deliver the VulNarc resources that they need.
Since the VulNarc doesn’t know how to care for themselves directly, this becomes the chosen MO for need fulfillment.
“Be demonstrably weak, and it will work out.”
Through this process, the VulNarc may actually begin to consider themselves helpless (as it suits them).
They rely on others’ compassion so heavily and must “play the part” to get what they need. This feeds back into the codependency and enmeshment processes that are underway, and further disrupts their self-esteem at the same time.
Soon, the VulNarc has no idea how to operate socially without playing on the humanity of others. They manipulate as a way of interaction and survival, without knowing what they’re doing, why, or what they would be autonomously capable of.
And then we all get to suffer for it!
So, again, it seems that being stuck in a state of post-traumatic stress or unsuccessful PTSD recovery is the hallmark of Vulnerable Narcissists.
If they were to leverage the help they received to stand on their own two feet – and/or if they felt empowered to ASK for the help they needed – they could march into post-traumatic growth.
Instead, they are stuck, ankle deep, in the hardening cement of their traumatized brain. Subconsciously believing that appearing broken to the right crowd is the foundation of safety. Frozen in time, space, and their usage of energy.
And that’s my late night murder motel thought for the day.
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Know your needs.
Ask for help directly.
Take the help, use it to build yourself back up.
Improve your esteem as you transfer need fulfillment onto your own plate.
And avoid falling into the VulNarc trap on your way to recovery.
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Hope you’re staying warm out there, to whom it concerns!
❄️
Love and Cheers, Fuckers!