How did the realization come to you?
Did you have suspicions beforehand?
What was the final “aha” moment?
How did you respond to the new self-awareness?
My therapist told me, about my relationship, “This is mutually abusive.”
I think I had SUB-C ticklings before that. But I didn’t feel I could be abusive “if I didn’t mean to.”
When I got out of the relationship and started having autonomy I realized how abusive my codependent relationship had been on my part. Down the road, interacting with my mother sealed in the explicit recognition of my own abuse patterns. Aha moments abound!
I think I was guilty, fearful, and relieved by the new awareness. Guilty for having hurt anyone. Fearful about hurting anyone in the future. Relieved to understand, finally, what wasn’t working in my relationships and where it came from. With abuse being so prevalent, I sought abusers and that enabled me to re-enact houshold dramas with new faces.
