Episode linkVideo linkI know I keep doing this thing where I’m like “OH! One more point!” But. I have about three more points.
First:
I would be remiss not to revisit the Filial Piety debate
We touched, just briefly, at the end of episode four on the fact that those with strong filial piety don’t necessarily have differing frequency or severity of depression symptoms during caregiving than those who do not. That is, those who subscribe to the “live life to honor your parents and expect to care for them like they’re children when they age because it’s the correct thing to do,” may not personally have an easier time with fulfilling those expectations.
This was deduced via analyzing caregiving depression reports cross-culturally and finding that Eastern and Western results were not significantly different. So, clearly, belief that you’re becoming a better person by meeting your parents needs doesn’t make much of an improvement for us children, right?
According to some, right.
HOWEVER.
I would be a...
Episode link
Today, I bring you a paper that we can all thank our fellow Motherfucker for. Alex, thank you for sending this my way.
I don’t even want to give a big introduction. I just want to jump into a paper that has - I shit you not - helped me understand things and make immediate changes so rapidly that I feel like a different person since reading it a few weeks ago. Without any strain or repression necessary. Actually, the exact opposite.
You’ll understand as we go. But, yeah, we’re returning to Narcissism… as a POSITIVE aspect of recovery. Which has made a day and night difference in everything, because it’s made a day and night difference in how I’m thinking about, feeling about, and policing myself.
Now let’s get in there.
The paper:
Narcissistic Personality and Its Relationship with Post-Traumatic Symptoms and Emotional Factors: Results of a Mediational Analysis Aimed at Personalizing Mental Health Treatment.Montoro, C.I.; de la Coba, P.; Moreno-Padilla, M.; Galvez-Sánchez,...
We first talked about the topic in 2022. So what inspired this FilOb review and reassessment in 2024? I didn't really get into personal matters on the show, but I'll tell you in the community sphere.
Past: It was Filial Duty - my grandmother undergoing medical treatments - that brought me back into family contact end of 2022. Spoilers: this was leveraged as a manipulative ploy.
Present: Since being back in the family circle, it's obvious that Filial Piety is the name of the maternal (Narc) expectation game.
Future: Throughout observing my mother's abusive habits, I have been churning many thoughts about her imminent eldercare.
And so, the Filial Morality conversation was reopened.
First lesson: Filial Modeling and 'Emergency' Response
My brain has been spun out about FilOb since close to the holidays, 2022. Suddenly my mother (who I was NC with) reached out to tell me that my grandmother had been suffering from several issues. First up: bladder cancer. A few months later:...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/supplemental-of-96366213
Not to skim over your kindly comments, but I'll sob...
Let's do a bitesized summary/expansion of our VulNarc talk and add some community wisdom to the mix.
Talkin' filial obligation, defensiveness, and moderating anxiety when waiting for interpersonal reply....
https://www.patreon.com/posts/vulnarcs-and-for-96317452
One of the ideas that has stuck with a lot of Fuckers, it seems, is the concept of the resources we need to rectify our brains. Episodes put out at the middle-end of 2022. The necessity of time, space, and energy to recover from trauma or engage in self-growth.
Well, after my year of tripping through PTSD and studying myself like a lab rat, it turns out, none of these three factors is quite as straight forward as they seem.
You can have alllll the time in the world. But that time means nothing if you’re stuck in a DIFFERENT time period, unable to bring yourself to the current moment because your shitty memories have you trapped.
Similarly, time isn’t impactful if you have no energy with which to work on your problems. 24 hours in a day, but you can only function for 4 of them? Uhhh… that might move your brain backwards, as it smashes you over the head with perceived...
Had another thought about the connection between VulNarcdom and the traumatized phases it seems to be encapsulated in.
Then, had the thought, “but I don’t have a way to record right now… so this is worthless…”
...
But, says who? Who can guarantee that no one will sit down and read a quick blurb rather than having it spoon fed into their eardrums?
Not I.
So here we go!
....
Hypothesis:
VulNarcs are manipulative because during their PTSD throes they finally stumble into a scheme that allows them to receive help, and they never proceed from that phase.
...
Rationale:
We all go through a stage in trauma recovery where it’s necessary to admit what you can’t handle alone, and reach out for social support. This is a critical part of exiting the terror of PTSD and re-establishing connections with the physical world.
But. This also means…
By being in a weakened state, legitimately unable to help themselves, future VulNarcs receive assistance, perhaps for the first times in their lives…. And perhaps, without...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/abuser-tactics-50728253
So, there's nothing like getting out nice and early for a long job/hike to shake connections out of your head. Finally getting up and out by 7am again, and feeling great.
This morning, my brain was consumed by: vividly dreaming of a lost love 8 years ago, remembering leaving my abuser on THIS DAY 2 years ago, and having some early thoughts about a new post on typical abuse patterns. Happy Saturday!
Here's what I'm chewing on.
So abusers are unpredictable, chaotic, and impossible to manage, right? Well, right. But... I think I've been seeing a few trends looking at current and past experiences. And they're actually pretty easy to understand from the Narcspective.
It's first a wild, emotional, unreasonable, overly personal attack. Why would YOU make ME feel this way?
Then an offer for mutual emotional relief in exchange for the narc regaining control. Can't we all acknowledge that you REALLY fucked up, but I'll let it go, if......?
Followed by a period of confusion...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/parent-and-cptsd-96932180
Last time we learned about a new type of Narc; the "Covert" variety... who sound an awful lot like our mothers, collectively. So what happens if you WERE raised by a Narcissist mom, in particular? What are the common characteristics of the relationship? What are the common childhood templates under Narcissistic Abuse? What happens to kids - specifically daughters - in the long run? And how do you deal with someone who doesn't want to treat you differently?...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/fuck-off-boomers-96934186
Hi Fuckers! Happy Monday!
I’m clocking in nice and early this week because we have some big work to do. And as much as I’m a natural self-doubter, I’m really determined about it.
Woah - who’s talking here? Doesn’t sound like your toothless cousin Jess and her ten screaming dissociative personality babies from different fathers reporting in from the trauma park today. Yeah, sometimes I also forget that isn’t actually my identity. Part of that whole “goings on with daily duties personality” taking over the wheel as the realistic, functional, presentation of self. But I digress to dissociative personalities again.
Like I said in the coping with covert abuse episode, playing back that mental highlight reel of my life is pretty helpful for keeping myself in the integrated, adult self. Oh, I’ve been a student, a scientist, a logistics manager, a fucked up family member to international trauma friends, and a CPTSD podcaster… no mention of meth addiction, destitution, or institution no matter...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/defining-covert-96931589
Have you been convinced that everything about you was "wrong?" Does someone in your life make you feel "off," in a way that's anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person "helping" actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then... do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit? Ah, yeah. So my recent realization comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you? Today, we're talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath....
