This past week I wrote, spoke, and videoed about a consta-obstacle in my life – psychosomatic illness.
I discussed the many reasons why psychosomatic illness often occurs and some tips about getting off one’s own fucking ass when it happen. Hard learned lessons from my times spent in an ailing hell that I wish I had been stumbled upon sooner.
In fact, I wish I had found any public language around psychosomatic illness in those first several years of medical and self gaslighting. Which is why it seemed like a worthy way to spend my final few days of perpetual nausea.
But to my own uncredit, what I didn’t discuss was… One of the biggest reasons for my psychosomatic illness, the way that I can predict when it’s coming, and how I can utilize that down time for the most transformative means rather than solo wallowing in front of Netflix.
Plus. I’ve never mentioned in a public way that in a larger sense, this is also how I guide my own recovery. And so much more.
Keeping in mind that I wish someone had spoken openly about psychosomatic illness for my own healing benefit, despite that discussing psychosomatic illness often makes the uneducated populations assume you are “crazy.”
And, in the same vein, this healing tool of mine is likely to draw scoffs, eyerolls, and disappointment… But I would be remiss not to bring it to the attention of the people who might benefit from hearing about it.
So here we go.
What’s one of the ways that I know my psychosomatic illness is coming around? And, one of the influences of that rapid life halt, for the purpose of healing?
NEPTUNE.
I know, 95% are let down already.
She’s one of those idiot fucking instagram-trendy astrology bwitches. And here I was, thinking she had the reasonable brain to do research and find CPTSD recovery pointers.”
Well, sorry to break the bad news.
But hear me out.
My interest and knowledge of astrology has nothing to do with any internet trends or flashy horoscopes. I do not use social media or tiktok or youtube, for starters. My learning came about organically, based on skeptical observations that my life events (and major downfalls) aligned in the most uncanny way with planetary events that trickled into my ear (you’ve heard of mercury retrograde?). It was a slow start, moving from that point of “huh, seems highly coincidental,” to the next – when I began studying astrology on a daily basis, through chart reading, book-learnin, and of course my media of choice… podcasts.
And once I began my investigation, what’s one of the first things that stood out?
Motherfucking Neptune…. and the highly disintegrating influence it seems to have on my brain and body.
Neptune activities in the sky meant, you guessed it, sudden illness that knocked me straight on my ass. But, actually, it felt more like being kicked into another dimension. Which… “ironically”… “coincidentally”… or “fittingly”… is exactly what one would expect from Neptune.
Let’s discuss this fascinating planet, first.
And I’ll tell you about its demonstrable patterns in my life, second.
So you can investigate (maybe?) if Neptune rocks your shit too, and prepare for it better, third.
So what is Neptune about?
Neptune is the planet of high spirituality.
It rules Pisces, which is the sign of similar meaning. (Pisces is the feely, woo, otherworldly, “we’re all one,” universal-wisdom sign which rules the 12th house – the house of the subconscious. Neptune governs over these things.)
Neptune is a dissolver, disintegrator, and murky force. It makes life foggy; hard to see clearly. It’s slippery, it makes things confusing and produces illusions which may be deceptive.
As such, Neptune is also the planet of religious fanatacism. (See: the effects that Neptune in Pisces has had on our world for the past 12 years.)
Neptune is the planet of other worlds, of the space between dimensions, of the incomprehensible and immaterial parts of life.
Neptune is creative. Neptune is psychic. Neptune is all the things that capitalism hates and institutionalized religion reserves for the higher ups.
Neptune is your ability to connect, directly, with higher forces. Through whatever means, with whatever forces, you prefer.
Finding Neptune in your chart will tell you in what ways and what areas of life you may have illusory habits, deconstructing events, unclarity, or religion-esque beliefs (AKA beliefs that were handed down to you which have a facade of truth and require dangerous devotion).
So Neptune can tell you about ways of escapism and self-deceit…
But Neptune can also tell you about your subconscious contents, your creative streaks, your spiritual world and best methods, your psychic abilities, your attunement with something outside of this material world.
Another thing Neptune can inform you of, particularly if you’re “sensitive”… is the likelihood of feeling exhausted, listless, lethargic, untethered from modern living and the demands therein, emotional rather than highly logical, and generally “on a different planet.”
Which… explains several years of my life.
The big Neptune finding
My first hint that Neptune was a formidable force in my daily life was accidentally putting two and two together that present day Neptune transits seemed to correlate with times that I was unable to perform my normal daily duties. Instead, I was stuck in a head-swimming and exhaustive state that often kept me in bed, unable to navigate physical reality without falling over and running into things.
What’s a fucker to do when they can’t move? “Check the charts and see where the planets are” eventually comes up.
And I found that Neptune was aspecting a planet in the current day’s chart or it was forming an aspect to a point in my natal chart.
(If you want to know what this means: Neptune was either imacting everyone on earth by forming an angle to another planet in the sky, or Neptune was affecting me personally by forming an angle to the place where another planet was sitting at the moment I was born.)
Over time, I noticed this pattern time and time again.
It was so coincidental, so PREDICTABLE, that it couldn’t be an accident. Pretty soon, I could tell when Neptune was transiting in an impactful way, based on how I felt. The connection seemed significant.
That’s when I had the thought…
I wonder what happened in my early 20s when I was sick for several years straight, in this same unusual way that includes living in between dimensions + my physical system breaking down in various ways.
Oh, do you think I found out that Neptune was conjunct (at the same degree) as my Mercury, Moon, and then Sun, one after another, for all those years?
Huh. Another funny coincidence.
Mercury – Your consciousness, communication, way of thinking and processing.
Moon – Your emotions, private self, nurturance, intuition.
Sun – Your core identity, your will, the flame that you exude.
Each one was being affected by Neptune. Each one dissolved, disintegrated, fogged, cross examined by spiritual forces, realigned with purpose; creating and pointing out illusions and deceits while challenging true personal beliefs.
I have to say, nothing describes the bodily-traumatic experience of losing control of my health and brain better. From my perspective several years later, it was obvious that time period knocked me out and destroyed the life I had been creating at a breakneck pace, yes… but also… pointed out that I was headed in the wrong direction, based on other people’s beliefs, and in fact, something higher was calling to me if I ever stopped moving long enough to hear it.
That time period in my early 20s was when I switched course dramatically. I never would have created TMFRs – or probably anything of my own doing – had this not occurred. Had I not started to “receive messages that there was something more,” to put in a way that will make us all gag. (sorry)
And I started to see these Neptune (psychosomatic illness periods) completely differently.
For me, Neptune Transits today.
…. Serve a purpose.
And I utilize them, rather than trying to control, lamenting, or deeply suffering through them.
(Well… the suffering still takes place, physically, emotionally, and often socially. But even the things that make you hurt can be used. Transformed into different experiences, if you stop focusing on how bad you believe they are. I try to choose this strategy, as often as possible.)
For me, these events have important functions in my life. But I have to heed them, I cannot force my way through them without repercussion.
Neptune transits are times when my body needs a timeout. And if I don’t respond to that warning in order to take a rest, I will fucking regret it. Neptune will come for me, but it will be a much more dissolving and disintegrating experience.
Neptune transits will send my brain spiralling into big, nebulous, univeral perspectives. I won’t be bound by a human mindset or my own set of normal, highly-analytical and practical thoughts. Which means I will be incapable of focusing on “shit that doesn’t actually matter.” i.e. pointless jobs, bureaucratic nonsense, egoic issues.
Neptune transits bring me close to “whatever this spiritual thing in my life is.” (I don’t try to name or control it, it’s just here. Sometimes, more strongly than others. And Neptune brings it into me with an overwhelming crashing, or a calm and pleasant lulling, similar to waves of the ocean.)
Altogether, I believe:
These transit happen so I stop performing every day as if it’s the same day as the one that just came before it. It breaks the “get shit done” pattern that rules my brain and body. And it invites me to, instead, connect with what matters to me, with a timeless and bodiless perspective, from my belief system outward.
These Neptune transits have formed my modern day life and informed everything that I do for TMFRs. All inspiration and “gut knowing” around the project originates (and originated, years ago) from these psychosomatic / spiritual trips.
As such.
I use them.
When I see one coming up on the horizon, I schedule my week accordingly. There WILL be about 3 days that my brain is useless and my body is capable of roughly10% its normal level of activity. I get the important shit done before those days, so I’m not trying to complete activities that simply will not be possible at that time.
I give myself permission to “be in my body,” as well as “wander fully away from my body,” and let my consciousness wander far, far away, as needed. It’s a half-dreaming, half-conscious state that I find myself in, with subconscious or some-other-world downloads hitting me every few minutes or hours. Oftentimes I’m sobbing, with relief and grief and clarity about both, during these events.
I do not push myself to do more than necessary physically. Every other day of the month, see me getting up at 4am and running, working outdoors, hiking, etc. On Neptune days, see me in bed, literally unable to force myself to walk more than a few yards, literally unable to safely drive because I am not present on this planet.
But I am seeing it all, so much more vividly and clearly, than before.
Neptune, CPTSD, and disassociation
I’m no fool, I know that this sounds like the ramblings of a mentally ill person who isn’t treating their disorder, and is, instead, creating a fantasical daydream to explain and enable the occurrences. A fantasy that makes her special nonetheless. “*Ohhh* look has wild spiritual experiences and talks with the universe to guide her work, egotistical charleton.”
*insert sarcastic jazz hands here
I know, one might call these enormous disassociative events, for instance. I say “that’s correct.” Fer sure, I am disassociated from the majority of my consciousness, floating off into a cloud somewhere else.
One might also say that “this bitch works herself into the ground, then acts surprised when she ends up sick, tired, and hallucinating.” Which is, again, correct. I am that bitch. I do do that.
I can’t exclude the fact that I am absolutely affected by a traumatized brain.
What I CAN say is, these Neptune transits seem to be the times when I’m able to see past my trauma most clearly and acutely.
In fact, it’s as if those insights were waiting to break the surface of my consciousness, but first… needed my overactive, domineering, “we have worldly fears to attend to,” consciousness to shut the fuck up for a few hours so they could be experienced.
So, sure. Perhaps I disassociate from myself, and we can call that a mental health event.
But (ironically, coincidentally, or fittingly) that’s exactly what Neptune is all about.
Disassociation. Release from the limitations of being one; awareness of the common collective; access to that unifying force that runs through everything; release from the ego and the limitations of being separate meat bodies.
As I mentioned earlier, Neptune is also all about the Subconscious, which helps to explain its healing power in the life of a Traumatized and traumatized individual.
AND… the yearly Neptune transit that makes me sick as a dog.
Neptune every June-July, Predictable Psychosomatic Illness, and spiritual healing.
In the recent presentation I gave on psychosomatic illness I mentioned that particular times of the year might bring about annual bouts of sickness, due to seasonal triggers hitting the trauma brain or routine pressures in the physical aspects of life…
What I didn’t mention was, “There might be times when your astrological natal chart is getting slammed, every year, by the annual movements of the planets.” Despite the fact that I, myself, was just finishing up this very assault on my daily life, from the planets above, as I do every summer.
Here’s the thing about my chart: Most of the planets are grouped together in one area. The largest concentration being 5 planets all sitting in Capricorn – one of which is Neptune.
So every year, as the Sun and the two planets that travel with the Sun (Mercury and Venus) go marching across the sign of Cancer… At a minimum, each of these 3 planets will oppose (180 degrees away from) each of those 5 planets in Capricorn in my natal chart – again, one of them being Neptune.
Meaning:
My identity/will/life energy. (Mercury)
My consciousness/communication/thinking power. (Sun)
My relationships/values/sensory experience. (Venus)
Will form stressful, tense, polarizing angles to 5 very important points in my personality. One, after the next.
To do the math, that’s a minimum of 15 difficult transits in the span of about a month.
Every year.
Around the same time.
And one of the planets that will be opposed is Neptune.
Meaning, for me, there will be at least 3 difficult,disassociative, disintegrating, Neptune transits during this month-span, every summer.
And you know what? Every year, it is a TERRIBLE TIME which includes an otherdimensionary illness that strikes me down for weeks. Starting long before I knew a single thing about astrology.
Ironic? Coincidental?
Perhaps, but there’s more.
In astrology this 5 planet “stellium” (more than 3 planets in a sign) in Capricorn? Is described by / describes my overresponsible way of living. The way I prioritize work and commitments before anything else, and have a steadfast dedication to them that dominates my life. Furthermore it’s in my 6th house of mundane daily duties. Meaning, my existence revolves around working everyday, as hard and persistently as I can, like a goat climbing a mountain.
Meanwhile, the Sun, Mercury, and Venus oppose that Capricornian bundle each summer from the sign Cancer, which is my 12th house. If you’ve been paying attention, you know that the 12th house is the house of the subconscious. And it is ruled by Neptune.
Thus, the transits that are taking place can be most-literally interpretted as:
My subconscious being lit up, in full opposition of my daily duties and workaholic lifestyle, with spirituality and my personal beliefs fighting against my normal automatic ways of living / daily performance.
Neptunian vibes being especially prevalent, since it rules the 12th house and is being activated by those oppositions from my 6th house.
And this taking place in Cancer means? Staying at home, being cozy in bed, having an emo time and re-remembering what “care” is.
PS – Chiron is also in Cancer, in the 12th house, for me… which suggests deep, dank, healing of subconscious wounds via the pathway of suffering is also taking place with that Sun, Mercury, Venus parade.
All of which precisely matches my annual experience of falling sick, from the brain, down, every June-July. But also having a massively fulfilling emotional and spiritual experience that reminds me of who I really am, what I believe in, what my purpose is, and what matters.
So to wrap this up, in a way that matters FOR YOU…
Neptune – What you might want to know, too.
I can’t promise that Neptune has the same impact on your life (in some ways, I hope it does not. In many ways, I think the entire world would be a less fucky place if other people were overwhelmed by Neptune the way I am.)
But if you experience anything like what I described, you might want to look into Neptune for yourself. (And the rest of your chart; there are plenty of challenging planets to be mindful of, if not Neptune.)
Here are some things to watch out for:
Planets in Pisces – If you have planets in Pisces in your natal chart, you might be more sensitive to Neptune.
Neptune’s sign placement – Where is Neptune strongest and “most comfortable?” In the woo and emo signs, which are the water signs. Where is it more likely to spark religious fanatacism? In the Fire signs, the ones that signify “mobilizing action in a headfast manner” – cross this with religious ideals, and you get radicalists. Where can it point out cognitive frustrations? In the air signs, the analytical signs, which don’t benefit from the foggy influence of Neptune. And where might Neptune create illusions around or dissolvement of material goods? In the earth signs, the signs of physical wealth and striving.
Neptunes house placement – Where might your spirituality or confusion or delusionary habits be affecting you? Depends on the house that Neptune sits in. 1st house = sense of self. 2nd house = material belongings. 3rd house = friends and communication. 4th = family life and upbringing. 5th = fun sex, creativity, children. 6th = mundane daily duties. 7th = intimate connections. 8th = shared resources and transformation (long-term sex, marriage, inheritence). 9th = higher education and travel. 10th = career / life purpose. 11th = community. 12th = the subconscious.
*Neptune in the 6th house is especially tightly linked with health challenges.
Neptune Conjunctions – Do any planets in your chart sit right next to Neptune? This is like combining the energy of the two planets. For instance, Neptune-Venus Conjunction might mean that your relationships tend to be unclear, lack boundaries, have illusions or deceit at play. Neptune-Mars Conjunction might mean you’re especially likely to have health or mobility breakdowns, and/or you might be a religiously aggressive individual (neptune = religion/beliefs mars = war/conflict/outward action). Neptune-Jupiter Conjuction might indicate that you’re HIGHLY SPIRITUAL / WOO (or very flakey, confused, out of this world), since Jupiter expands whatever it touches and also has a spiritual influence.
*Neptune-Urbanus Conjuction (EVERYONE BORN 1990-1993) means… you have this nervous system-dissolution issue as well as disassociatve tendencies. AKA – you might be chronically anxious and it might push you out of your body, which sets you up for psychosomatic illness.
Hard angles, aspects, and Neptune transits –
1) In your natal chart (where the planets were at the moment you were born), you will have what’s called “aspects between planets.” These are the relationships between various parts of yourself. Difficult aspects to Neptune might create challenges in your life in the areas that it represents. Positive aspects between Neptune and other planets may show where you have spiritual, psychic, and emotional strengths.
2) As the planets move (presently), they make angles to each other. That means several times a year Neptune is being lit up in the sky, in a way that impacts EVERYONE while that transit is taking place. People feel these to different extents, but if you know another “sensitive,” you may want to compare Neptune transit experiences when they’re being shared across the world.
Aspects and transit angles:
Conjunction: When planets are 0 degrees apart: often a challenging aspect.
Sextile: Planets are 30 degrees apart: a pleasant, supportive, “spark of energy,” aspect.
Trine: Planets are 60 degrees apart: a supportive, flowing, powerful aspect.
Square: Planets are 90 degrees apart: a hard, “right turn,” mismatching energy, challenging aspect.
Opposition: Planets are 180 degrees apart: a polar opposite energy, tense, challenging aspect.
Any of these transits to/from Neptune can feel exhaustive, disassociative, emotional, confusing, etc… But the hard aspects tend to hit the hardest. Sortof like whiplash (squares), tug of wars (oppositions), or overwhelming and disorienting events (conjunctions). The supportive aspects might be times when you’re easefully spiritual or have a renewed sense of connection with some higher force (don’t beat yourself up when they’re over).
What to do with Neptune events to lessen your suffering, In general
In general:
- Don’t plan big or important events around Neptune transits (that we’re all experiencing, or transits that affect only your chart). They are likely to DISSOLVE. (AKA communication fails, everyone is confused, directions are unclear, organization disintegrates)
- Don’t try to be super active, super ambitious, or super “together” during Neptune transits. You might be absolutely pooped / disembodied / uncoordinated.
- Don’t do your most important thinking / deciding during Neptune transits. Don’t sign important contracts or hold important meetings. Your brain might not be well associated with this material reality, don’t make legal agreements about what you can’t see or process clearly right now.
- It’s not recommended to imbibe drugs / alcohol during Neptune transits. For many of us, its influence is already rather psychedelic. Consciousness raising drugs can be unecessary / overloading, as you might be extra absorbative / sensitive during this time. (Do I follow this rule? Depends.)
- Don’t get too religiously extreme or subscriptive to a particular belief system / leader of a belief system during Neptune transits. Again, Neptune can lead to illusions, deceit, and religious/spiritual extremism. So don’t land yourself in a fucking cult, devoting yourself to a charismatic movement.
- Probably don’t have a first date or other experience where your personal judgment needs to be sharp as a tack to stay safe and make the right decisions for yourself.
- DO spend time near water. Engage in spiritual practices. Connect with nature. Connect (safely, with boundaries) with other beings. Light incense. Pull some tarot cards. Do your witch business. Pray to your gods and goddesses. Meditate. Get silent, still, and receptive. Enjoy it – Neptune is not conducive to capitalism or tech or organized actions, but there are much slower and softer aspects of life that the planet encourages and empowers.
On a more personal level, accept what Neptune transits mean for you.
You will have to do this by checking the positions of planets, at least weekly, to monitor upcoming/recently past Neptune transits and observe the effects on your regular feelings and behaviors.
*Make it a real experiment by refusing to use predictive astology. Instead, write down the characteristics of your day, every day. Then, post-actively find out what transits were happening. See if your feelings and behaviors align with any particular planetary events.
From Neptune events, you might want to check:
Do they send you adventuring into another time/space, like they do for me?
Do they make you overly sympathetic / identifying with your fellow man, possibly in a way that makes you a pushover or a sucker?
Do they sensitize your system to senses that you normally don’t notice?
Do they exhaust you, wipe you out, leave you feeling like you’re floating without a body?
Do they make your head feel “weirdly pressurized and also incapable of seeing straight?” (Or is this just MY first indicator?)
Do they kick up your paranoias and illusionary beliefs?
Do they encourage you to act on your assumptions, without checking in with reality first?
Do they send you into your subconscious, where unwanted or unknown terrors have been repressed?
Do they make the an aspect or the entirity of your life “foggy” or difficult to reason about?
Do they put you in connection with your real beliefs and a higher perspective on “what matters?”
Find out what the planet(s) do(es) for you. And plan accordingly. Don’t try to carry out “your regular life, uninterrupted,” because there’s a good chance that Neptune will break those plans down for you, despite your best efforts.
Here’s a tale of caution:
Final note: Why this year’s illness was a real butt kicker
Because I didn’t heed my Neptune transits. Like I knew I should have.
When those oppositions against Neptune were taking place, I was in a real “git shit done” trauma response due to upcoming bills.
As such:
I did not rest.
I did not put work aside.
I did not let myself trip through other dimensions.
I continued to force myself to go, go, go… assessing there was no time to slow down for this spiritual shit.
I did not keep up with my subconscious or emotional hygiene.
And so… Neptune came for me, anyways. But, with a vengeance.
Almost 2 weeks of significant, demonstrable, illness (I have sopping and stinking bags of evidence) was my prize. It did not need to be this bad, but like an idiot I delayed taking time off until it was mandatory / I was completely dysfunctional with debilitating sickness.
BUT ALSO. Some of the greatest spiritual and emotional insights I’ve had in the past year, no drugs or other accelerants necessary. Old issues I couldn’t seem to finish processing? Suddenly snapped into place with one final subconscious whisper delivering the answers I needed.
Suffering, yes. But I considered it, even at the time, “my own personal ayahuasca retreat,” for all that it was revealing.
SO there you go. Do as I say, not as I always do… Don’t ignore your Neptune transits, they’ll still getcha. And try to make the most of them rather than belaboring yourself for not being able to ‘labor enough’ in the physical world for the days… weeks… years… that they can take place.
Oh, did I forget to mention, they can spread out over 2-3 year periods?
Hm.
Learn to work with Neptune, and even enjoy those prolonged times of headspinning, foggy, disassociative, immobilizing, dimensional adventuring.
Or fight them like I did, create a personal crisis, and shamefully suffer through every day while wondering if you’ll ever return to full functionality again. AKA – my 20s. The times when I almost offed myself, as I fought against higher awarenesses that called for my attention and eventually changed my entire life when I gave into their lessons.
Maybe you’ll have the same experience.
Good luck out there.
Neptune invites you to explore “in there,” and “in worlds undefined,” instead.
And cheers, y’all.