Blurbs from past research, dug out from 2021’s google docs. Enjoy
Narcissist statements
Need to give compliment, “not bad, but I bet that’s the only thing they can do well.” Minimizes their talent to get more admiration for themselves. “They’re okay, I guess, I’ve heard better.” Not fair that they’re better than me at anything. Can’t be NOT THE BEST at anything. “I could do that if I wasted the same amount of time.”
Trying to communicate something positive to them. Focus on delivering an insult somehow. “I can’t believe you didn’t recognize that person…” Finding people’s weaknesses is my strength is the thought – but they’re good at INSULTING other people, not actually identifying valid things about them w/o understanding of humans.
Narc criticizes someone “I’m only telling you the truth for your own good.” Assumes they’re right and they care about you. They’re actually lying for their own good. “Even though you’re terrible in so many ways, maybe someday you’ll be able to understand how great I am.” Understanding my greatness is the best that many people can hope for in life
Confronted about integrity “how dare you challenge it, who are you to confront me?” I’m offended when people feel like they are good enough to criticize me. “I never lie, I always tell the truth.” What I say should become the truth, so I’m not lying at all. “My integrity is beyond reproach.” Nobody will say this, so I have to say it myself. Insulted that others aren’t defending them or saying it out loud for them.
Challenging another person’s integrity “everyone else feels the same way that I do, you are alone.” Everyone thinks the way that they do, and if I isolate them they’re easier to manipulate.
Talking about own failed romantic history “all past partners were losers” anyone who rejected me is a loser, if we end up having trouble later this is what I’ll say about you.
Trying to defend against others’ accusations that they’re being abusive in the relationship, “those people can’t understand how deep and special our relationship is” I’m so special that they are. “they’re just jealous of our love” let’s be narc together, us against the world. Same in work situations, trying to get others to behave along with them. Get people on their side “against” those legit critics. Recruits agents to help discriminate/retaliate against others.
Attempting to apologize “it doesn’t make sense you feel that way, but sorry” “I’m sorry your reaction was not normal” “I know you need me to say this so here you go” all three are humiliating, but reframed to not really be an apology.
Narc finds out terrible news about another person (medical issue) “hope its not contagious.” “well, life is tough” no empathy, it’s still about me, why do people waste their time telling me about themselves?
Narc develops serious problem themselves “I can’t believe this happened to me, how did I deserve this?” why aren’t people spending their time helping me. “what will people do without me.” Really more of a grandiose statement than general worry – do they know what losing me would mean to the world?
How they appear smarter than they really are
Must present as greater, more important, just “better” than others. Particularly in intelligence and outward appearance. Can’t concede that others have an advantage over them in these areas. Ironically, these things make them look dumb.
Correcting other people’s grammar when its unnecessary or impolite. KNOWS they use word incorrectly, has to decide between letting them look bad (still makes them look good) and making self-look good. Every mistake someone else makes is a huge error. Could also fail to tell them in the moment, so they can hold it over their head later with multiple examples, “saving up the mistakes” for more embarrassment.
Using words incorrectly. Technical jargon, especially. Pick up words from other fields and try to use them… but do it wrong. Try to make themselves look special and distinct. So desperate to impress that they don’t look up what the word means before they use it. Impulsive. Plus, the self confidence to do it without worrying that they’ll be wrong. Pick up big, fancy words and throw them around. BOOM, TALKED ABOUT THIS.
Try to talk about areas where they believe other people don’t have a lot of knowledge. Keep moving conversation back to that area. It’s easy to impress people who don’t know anything – they don’t know about the mistakes and are wowed by the different levels of understanding. Make themselves an “expert” in that area and keep bringing it up. Third party who also knows about it? Narc no longer wants to talk about that anymore.
Narc supports position that’s counter to all evidence. Overcommit to ideas to protect their ego. No openness to experience. Rigid in thinking. Vulnerable narcs will process criticism, but will still defend their position. When they see counter evidence, narcs don’t back down from their prior statement because it looks like weakness. Instead, they switch to other tactics.
Attacking people with different views instead of arguing based on evidence. Overgeneralize one small mistake to every situation, now they always have an “out.” Make one mistake and lose all credibility forever.
Blaming others for their incorrect beliefs. Made a mistake and can’t get out of it? Blame someone else. I was given misinformation, that person made me look bad, there was a conspiracy to make me look foolish. Never owning the mistake.
Using words like logic and reason. Using those words makes the argument better in their eyes. “I’m just trying to be logical…” just saying things to justify their stance and shame you. No evidence, just saying that they’re coming from that standpoint and clearly you are not.
Discounts constructs connected with intelligence. Not successful? Success is just luck. Not educated? Anyone can get a piece of paper. Dismiss everyone. Make incorrect assumptions about TYPES of intelligence and worthiness. They only value the types that they believe they have. Then, they are valid. “If people are that smart it comes with deficits” still find a way to undermine/discount the other person.
Lie about performance on tests. Pretend they can’t remember. Discount the test. “misinterpret” results. Making up crazy scores. Can’t remember who administered the test.
Pretending to understand material they clearly don’t understand and have no reason to. There’s no subject they haven’t studied. Give automatic responses without looking into things. You know everything, anyways. Works short term but not over long periods of time when depth is required.